On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
