Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
