Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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