so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
