If i come over, it means nothing
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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