I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
