dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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