1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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