I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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