trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
