Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
