Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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