just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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