new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
