I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Welp...herpes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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