What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
