I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
