she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Four minutes until I can fart!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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