What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
