What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
