so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
