never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
