There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
