I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
