Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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