Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
