They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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