Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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