his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
