You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
