i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
