those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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