I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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