i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
