Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
