Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
