The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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