Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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