The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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