I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
