Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
