even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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