Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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