Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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