ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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