sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
