can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
