remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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