she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
