remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
