the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We just shotgunned beers for America
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
