Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
