It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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