I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
