Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
