theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My life is pants optional.
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