If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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