I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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