I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
