are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
