how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my poor anus
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
