last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
