"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
