We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
