I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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