shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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