I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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