Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
