I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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